Saffron Saldarriaga

A southern knight looking to rescue her prince from an evil nymph named Milk. She keeps things close to her chest, and doesn't like to gossip about her life to people. Very serious, very grumpy. Very has a big axe.

Comics: 142
Recent Appearance: Keeping up with the Jones'
First Appearance: Crab Battle!

Liri Bloom

A former priestess who wants to live the cool adventurer life. She's just here to have a good time, and won't be deterred by things like "common sense" or "caution" or "Liri, that's literally on fire stop eating it".

Comics: 93
Recent Appearance: Keeping up with the Jones'
First Appearance: A mysterious stranger disappears


Saffron's long-time friend and colleague. He can shoot the rings on his fur at people as an attack, but mostly he sits in the cart and makes snarky comments. A good person under it all. Claims his last name is "The Hedgehog", but this may be a lie.

Comics: 86
Recent Appearance: Beauty in Futility
First Appearance: Crab Battle!

Coriander Bialystock

The world's greatest pyromancer. If you don't believe him, just ask him! Came down south on a World Tour with Liri, to show off all the places he'd adventured to in the past and hopefully impress her.

Comics: 80
Recent Appearance: Rock out with your shock out
First Appearance: A mysterious stranger disappears

Cinnamon Canela

An elf working for Milk the Nymph. Looks like a Cinnamon Roll. Will kill you. Well, will try to kill you. Has a robot maid named Toast.

Comics: 35
Recent Appearance: Rock out with your shock out
First Appearance: The Duel

Crunch Icari

A wandering moth girl Cory met in the forest. Criminally adorable. Adorably criminal. She seems nice, and is attracted to Cory's pyromancy like a mo- huh. Well I guess that scans.

Comics: 33
Recent Appearance: Rock out with your shock out
First Appearance: Misfire


The owner of Madame Botoxica's Beauty Parlor, and all-spider spa and bath where you can live your dream of being naked and covered in spiders. A fashionable and sensual woman who loves making things beautiful.

Comics: 31
Recent Appearance: We've wasted 24601 pages on this subplot
First Appearance: Let's get out of hair


A golem moonlighting as a butler. Likes to say awoo, and likes Cinnamon too! Maybe even likes Cinnamon, but Cinnamon's just using her for her massive laser cannon.

Comics: 24
Recent Appearance: Voice of the Choiceless
First Appearance: Self-care and vengeance

Cassette Teipe

A guide hired by Saffron to help her find her prince....but does she know where she's going? No. She has an antagonistic relationship with her sister, Betamax.

Comics: 19
Recent Appearance: Dress for success
First Appearance: Crab Battle!


Nymph? Rabbit? Sorceress? Milk is a woman of many faces, all of them nefarious. She kidnapped Prince Faunus and set the plot in motion. LIKES: Parachute Pants, Magical Potions, Schemes DISLIKES: Swooning

Comics: 19
Recent Appearance: Keeping up with the Jones'
First Appearance: Legend of the Hair


Saffron's trusty steed, but he's only in it for the glory

Comics: 15
Recent Appearance: Improvised Tactics
First Appearance: Just another shaggy frog story

Faunus Oakglutes

The prince of Saffron's hometown and her deerly beloved. Works out constantly. His biggest muscle is his heart. His smallest muscle is his brain.

Comics: 8
Recent Appearance: Keeping up with the Jones'
First Appearance: Deerly beloved

Betamax Teipe

Cassette's older sister. Hired by Cassette to do demeaning things due to a long-running family feud. It's a living.

Comics: 7
Recent Appearance: Silkwrong
First Appearance: The lobsters of the sea

Naked Bath Man

He's super strong....and super naked!

Comics: 4
Recent Appearance: The lobsters of the sea
First Appearance: The naked guns

Dr. Crabotnik

A romantic crab. Loves light novels, cold drinks, and not being hit with axes.

Comics: 4
Recent Appearance: Approved by the webcomics code authority
First Appearance: So here's this giant enemy crab

Ambassador Battle Crab

A friend and teammate to all who know him, Ambassador Battle Crab is Palea's fiercest warrior, finest diplomat, and best crab. While primarily sent on missions of piece to foreign lands, he is the only royal knight more skilled with an axe than Saffron, and he's not afraid to demonstrate it if the need arises. His family has a centuries-old blood feud with the Crabotnik clan, but he hopes to one day unite the two peoples.

Comics: 2
Recent Appearance: The Pumping Iron Throne
First Appearance: Gossip Girl


A hard-boiled detective searching for answers on the man who killed his partner. The secrets he's uncovered has caused him to descend into alcoholism, and a support group is readying an intervention to help him overcome his trauma and live a long and productive life.

Comics: 2
Recent Appearance: I love the smell of fried egg in the morning. Smells like victory.
First Appearance: Monster Rancheros

Princess Frogshroom

Deep down, she kind of likes getting kidnapped, because being rescued by dashing heroes is like Tinder for princesses. She hopes her prince will come one day, but she's not picky.

Comics: 1
Only Appearance: Just another shaggy frog story


The goddess of time. Rad hair. Bad enough dude to rescue the president. Worshipped by people of the North, including Liri. Has a long, convoluted, and irrelevant relationship with the Southern Sun Goddess Teth-Elina.

Comics: 1
Only Appearance: Make it so

Jean-Luc Picard

Captain of the Starship Enterprise and leader of the X-Men. Good at counting lights.

Comics: 1
Only Appearance: Make it so

Brawnus Oakglutes

His Imperial Majesty Brawnus Oakglutes is father to Faunus, king to Saffron, lover to Ambassador Battle Crab, and inspiration to bodybuilders everywhere. Is he a wise king? No, not really. But he is kind and he is strong and sometimes that's enough. 

Comics: 1
Only Appearance: The Pumping Iron Throne

Carlos Bandersnatch

Comics: 1
Only Appearance: This wouldn't be surprising if they read the chapter title