Hey, a fan of your reviews and just started a webcomic! Its just a few weeks old right now, so not that much backlog to go through.
This is like the 5th time this comic got submitted to me, so I guess I’ll actually read it. Perseverance! The key to success. *Ahem*. First off…
Carry on my Wayward Chumps!
Don’t be so down in the dumps
Essay Mod’s reviewing you
Don’t submit no more
I’m going to ignore the elephant in the room here, except to note the Times New Roman or whatever computer font “Chapter 1″ looks terrible and cheap on a cover. There’s only 16 pages, so let’s take it one at a time even though it’s 4am.
These fonts are going to annoy me forever. They’re too computer-y for a freewheeling art style. Go get a new font from Blambot or somewhere. Here’s one.
You might also want to consider ALL CAPS for your dialouge, if you’re going for a wackier style of comic, though I’m not an expect in font choices (LotH uses all-caps, but I had to check)
Also, there’s no indication in panel 4 of why the Green Geezer is going “What the hell is that”. There should be like a sound effect or something.
Also don’t let your word balloons hit the edge of the panel like that. I do like that Old Man Withers landed on the entire six pogs in the pog factory, though. You get a point for that, and immediately lose it for not making the pogs alf pogs.
I’m not even slightly a fan of that scene transition taking three panels and calling a ton of attention to itself when there’s nothing clever happening with it. Tell a joke if you have one. If you don’t, just a narration box’ll do, possibly with an establishing shot of the house.
I actually really like the narration boxes being on torn looseleaf paper to indicate a letter. That’s cute.
There should be a hyphen in “Noone”. I feel like this comic is rapidly developing a case of The Crazies, but okay.
Thank you for giving your wacky cartoon character an appropriately silly house.
The droopy word balloon oversells the joke, but I like La Blue Dude’s expression. Anyway, let’s not bring up literally every page….
Flooger’s mouth disappearing entirely is a funny expression. I don’t want to criticize your lack of technical skill, but you’re getting the most out of it.
Having said that, what the fuck is the Vault Boy doing in the final panel.
“Don’t queer this deal” is good dialogue, since he’s a cynical old guy. It fits.
This comic is….okay, I guess. I’m not blown away by any of it. The art is frankly not very good, but the cartoony protagonist helps make the most of it. The lettering is really bad. The plot is a little too LOLRANDOM for my tastes, but with 16 pages you haven’t done anything egregious there. I don’t think the casual profanity fits the tone of this comic, and it sounds really weird coming from Flooger, since he’s a Looney Tune. (Is he cynical and washed up, or full-on Roger Rabbit? He seems to veer from one extreme to the other; why’s he so gung-ho on helping the Vaunt Boy if he’s jaded?)
If I may ask, are you in high school? This feels like it was written by a high school student, and I hope you’re not like 45 and I just burned you, but the vibe is really strong.
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